


How did you not notice?!

by FlyingMocha



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 14:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12772578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyingMocha/pseuds/FlyingMocha
Summary: James discovers the bleeding obvious, several times over.





	How did you not notice?!

**Author's Note:**

> Also, the author makes a first attempt at writing angst. You'll notice there's no angst in the keywords.
> 
> Jeremy and James are not my pairing of choice. However, lately I've been coping with school by hiding under a blanket and reading all the JC/JM stories one after another, and it inspired me to give it a try, just for fun. So, I'd like to acknowledge everyone who's ever written a piece with this particular couple, as you've unknowingly helped me through some stuff, and inspired this bit of writing. Yes, every last one of you. Thanks.

"James, wait," Jeremy muttered, straining to keep his voice at the proper in-public volume as he followed his colleague home from the local pub. All right, so maybe just buying James a pint and telling him he knew of James' crush on him, had considered it for six months, and decided he was also interested, wasn't the best way to go about it.

"I'm going to throttle Andy like he's never been throttled before," James growled, furious at the executive producer for not just telling Jeremy about his well-concealed unrequited love, but for figuring it out in the first place.

"Ahh, don't fault him," Jeremy said. "He was too drunk to realise I was sober enough to remember he told me that." James glared at Jeremy, but instead of continuing the argument he just growled wordlessly and sped up his walk. Jeremy accepted the challenge, accelerating until he'd gotten ahead just enough to beat James to his own door, unlocking it and letting the younger colleague into his own home.

Once inside, James spun to face Jeremy, who extended a hand as if to grasp James' shoulder, hesitated for a moment, and then let his hand fall back to his side. "How dare you tease me about my -- "

"I'm not teasing, James," Jeremy said in that voice he uses when he's being uncharacteristically serious. Again, his hand reached out, hesitated, and returned to its neutral position. "All right, I was teasing a little bit at the pub, but not about this. It isn't a joke to me. I really do-- how can I prove--" Jeremy stuttered, frustrated. Finally, he took a deep breath, but instead of speaking, he grabbed James' hand in his, leading him towards the sofa. "It's not a joke," he reiterated as he sat down, pulling James down along with.

"How could you possibly have come to the conclusion that you're… gay, bisexual, or whatever you want to call it? You can barely… you struggled just to do this!" James held up their intertwined fingers as evidence.

He didn't expect the sad, compassionate look of near-pity that settled on Jeremy's face. "Yeah, I did. I waited until we got inside because I know you would be horrified if I'd done it in public. I hesitated because I'm afraid of upsetting you even more than I already have. I haven't kissed you because you haven't given me any indication that you would consent. I'm holding your hand, James. I love you enough to pursue you in spite of the fact that I'm absolutely terrified of hurting you."

"You're terrified of rejection," James said, as if to correct Jeremy's assessment of the situation.

"Yours, yes," Jeremy conceded. "You know I've never much cared what people think of me. If people don't like me, that's all right. I prefer it the other way, but I'm not afraid of it. Not afraid of failing, or taking risks." Jeremy squeezed gently at the strong yet slender fingers that surprisingly, hadn't tried to escape his grasp. "But I am terrified of your rejection, you're right. I've spent a long time not being honest with you because of that."

James stared at Jeremy in utter confusion. He searched Jeremy's face with a frown of deep thought as he struggled to put all the bits together. Jeremy wasn't afraid of anything, except dying alone. Quite possibly cheap motels, but if so, then he hid it under a lot of self-aggrandising bluster. Needles, but he forced himself to fake it, usually by planning to attend doctor appointments slightly tipsy after a "business lunch". James remembered one time they'd been filming on location, when the medic wouldn't let him liquor up before getting an IV to treat severe dehydration. James had sat beside Jeremy and offered his hand to help prop Jeremy's arm at a better angle, so they could get it done and get back to work. Jeremy had pressed his face against James' shoulder with a series of pitiful whines, but what really gave him away was the way his hand trembled as he squeezed so hard that he left a slight bruise on the tender back of James' hand. James had never let on that he'd discovered Jeremy's little secret, but he'd never forgotten it either.

James' brain helpfully lingered on the part where Jeremy had used James as a shield against his own misery, seeking his comfort in a situation that was obviously very hard for Jeremy. He shook his head as if to shake that thought out. Right. Dying alone, cheap motels, needles… these were the things of Jeremy's nightmares. And James' rejection. James blew out a deep sigh. Maybe it was worth at least hearing his colleague out. "Why do you want to kiss me?" he asked. Jeremy gave him a great, big smile, the kind that forewarned that something dumb was about to occur.

"Because I am an amazing kisser and it would be a travesty for you to die never having experienced it!" Right. More self-aggrandising bluster. Of course.

"I know men aren't supposed to have deep, emotional discussions, but Jezza, if you're going to pursue me, you'll have to drop the public persona and actually talk to me." Jeremy's eyes snapped up to meet James', completely devoid of all prior pseudo-confidence. Only uncertainty remained as he fumbled his way to a response.

"Because I want to know what that little dry patch feels like," he answered. James' tongue instinctively darted out to feel the chapped spot that always seemed to come up just the same way every winter. "And if you taste like that ridiculous beer, or cheap wine, or… what happens if I touch your hair… if it'll distract you enough that I can finally hug you." Jeremy flinched briefly at the way his voice went a little strained, before staring defiantly at James. There. He'd done emotional talking.

"Why do you want to hug me?" James asked, in the tone Jeremy would expect James to use if he'd expressed a desire to strip naked, paint himself yellow, and roll around in Trafalgar Square.

So, more emotional talking, apparently. All right. Jeremy drew up his nerve. He could do this. After all the ways in which he'd made himself look foolish on television, in front of God and everybody, he could certainly make himself look foolish in front of just one person. Even if he was scared half to death, and utterly convinced the words would come out all wrong and James would laugh at him. "Because you've taken a bit of my heart, and it would hurt a lot less if you would let me be closer to it, now and then."

James pulled his hand back. Jeremy simply let go, eyes squeezed closed against the searing pain in his heart. He'd never known anything like this before. No wonder his past marriages hadn't worked. This, he realised, was how one should feel about a partner. Not those ridiculous shallow reasons he'd made for getting married, twice. Rather than have to see it happen, he forced his eyes to stay closed as James moved from his place on the sofa, only to pop open in confusion when a sudden warmth appeared next to him. Jeremy stared with complete fascination as James eased himself back down, this time close enough to press against Jeremy. Grasping Jeremy's wrist, he wrapped the taller man's arm around his shoulders, then reached across to hold Jeremy's free hand, resting their intertwined fingers in his lap.

"Does this hurt less, then?" James asked. Jeremy nodded, a tight movement that communicated fear and nervousness. He wasn't sure what he'd done to deserve this, but he was sure as hell not going to do anything that might mess it up. "What about this?" he asked, pulling Jeremy's other hand around near his waist. Jeremy immediately reacted, twisting to face James awkwardly as they sat side by side, one arm holding James to his chest while the other hand unceremoniously shoved its way into his hair, splayed fingers gently catching tangles as they rubbed little circles against his scalp.

"Yes," Jeremy whispered. "Ohh," he intoned as a huge sigh of relief escaped. "Yes, very much." James nearly snickered when he realised that the gentle nudging against his temple was Jeremy's nose, as he struggled with another desire he'd mentioned so not-eloquently a few moments before, a desire he was clearly determined to suppress until he had James' consent.

"You can kiss me if you want to," he said softly. Almost before the words came out, Jeremy's lips were pressed against his temple, then his cheekbone, the eyelid that had fluttered closed under Jeremy's attentions, and then finally, his lips. Jeremy's tongue gently prodded at the chapped spot, but he pushed no further. He seemed perfectly content to moan happily while nipping at James' lower lip. The sound of it alone was almost enough to break James. Jeremy wasn't rushing into things. He wasn't misinterpreting feelings of close friendship. He wasn't looking for just any port in a storm. In fact, he'd struggled his way through a pretty awful one, endured its lashing for years, to arrive at this specific port even if he had to limp to safety worn-out and broken, and in desperate need of putting back together.

And James had nearly missed it, because he'd been so damn sure of himself, of his understanding, that he'd nearly refused to be open to any other possibility. He pushed Jeremy back just enough to make room, to swing himself around, straddle Jeremy's lap, and sag against him. "I'm sorry," he said in between kisses that were slowly becoming more passionate. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Well, I am better at keeping it hidden than you are," Jeremy gloated, earning himself a light swat across the shoulder.

"Andy only noticed because he's evil," James asserted in between kisses.

"And because he caught you staring at my arse on multiple occasions when you thought we were alone in the office," Jeremy answered. James smiled against his companion's lips, then gasped and moaned as Jeremy ferociously kissed the smile off his face, Jeremy's hips twitching at the instinct to buck against him.

"And you've never stared at mine?" James asked in return.

Jeremy's hands slid down to cup his arse, as if drawn by the mere reminder that James had one. "Course I have. Just had the sense to only do it when we were actually alone. I could reliably count on the only possible witness to either be utterly oblivious or to completely forget it had happened." James grinned at that, but before he could respond, he was interrupted by another series of desperate kisses as Jeremy's hands tugged their hips together. He couldn't tell from this awkward angle, through two pairs of jeans, but James didn't need to feel that particular evidence of Jeremy's arousal, to know it was there. "This is a terrible idea, isn't it?" Jeremy asked as he rested his forehead against James'.

James just shrugged. "What could possibly go wrong?"

"I could try to stand up right now and carry you up to the bedroom; that would almost certainly go wrong," Jeremy answered. James chuckled, that easy grin creeping across his features again. This time when Jeremy lunged, he put his hands on the elder man's shoulders, forcing him back. "Really, Jez? That's what does it for you?"

Jeremy gave him an innocent look that morphed into a mock sulk as he nodded. "Been wanting to kiss that smug grin off your face for years."

"Maybe you should come upstairs and find another expression to replace it with," James suggested. Jeremy blinked, then burst into loud, delighted laughter.

"That's the worst line I've ever heard!" he nearly shouted. "Now get off me so we can go upstairs." The pair scrambled off the sofa and up into the bedroom, where Jeremy pulled James into his arms, hugging like his life depended on it. James still wasn't that sure about this hugging business, but… it didn't feel half bad here, in a private place, with someone he was this severely attracted to. He allowed himself to be drawn into participating, squeezing Jeremy in return. After a minute or so, Jeremy nudged his chin with a finger, prompting him to turn his face up for a deep kiss. James obliged for a moment, then sagged back into the hug that he was actually starting to enjoy.

"I can't promise you this is going to go smoothly, Jez," he said. "We are a bit different in many ways, but…" he trailed off as he pulled back slightly to find Jeremy's eyes. "I want to… er… you're tall!"

Jeremy frowned. "James, we've worked together for how many years, now?"

"I never tried to make eye contact with you from this close before," James said in a tone that was clearly meant to be his matter-of-fact lecture voice, but rather missed the mark. That unexpected response made Jeremy burst into hilarious laughter. Slightly miffed by this, James stared for a moment. Time to take a page from Jeremy's playbook. James reached around and gave his arse a playful smack, causing the taller man's laughter to disintegrate into a look of complete surprise. "Really?" he asked, clearly intrigued by this unexpected response.

"Been wanting to slap some sense into you for years," James quipped, then frowned, unsure if that had come out in the way he'd intended. From the look on Jeremy's face, he wasn't certain either.

"I'm not sure if I should be insulted or turned on," Jeremy mused, giving James what he hoped was a seductive smile as he not-quite-gently nudged him backward, "but since there's a rather nice bed right here, and I have spent a lot of time plotting how to get you into it, I think I'll go with the latter."

One more nudge had James right up against the bed, and he allowed himself to tip over backward onto it. "I like that plan," he said with a grin, drawing Jeremy to lie down with him.

"Now, James, what did I just tell you about that smile?" Jeremy muttered as he settled on top of James to kiss him senseless.


End file.
